Wario is officially the best character to use in Mario Kart

Using fan-compiled data, he goes on to elaborate that “heavy characters are more versatile than light characters. While Wario’s possible configurations can achieve about 77 per cent of the max acceleration, Baby Mario can only get up to 50 per cent of the max speed.

“Metal Mario/Pink Gold Peach are the only characters that have no configurations on the Pareto frontier” too, apparently – so swerve those two. He also revealed that “the Badwagon [kart] really is bad”, insisting that “nearly every configuration on the ‘anti-pareto frontier’ (ie the worst possible combinations) involves karts from the Badwagon class.” Noted, kind sir.

So there you have it: Wario may be a bad guy but it sounds like he’s the best character to use in Mario Kart; as for the kart of choice, that all still depends on the track.

Hinnefeld’s head operates on a different level to ours – we’re not even going to try and comprehend his comparative analysis of configurations when it comes to that – but we’ll happily start picking Wario and thanking him when we win.

Just joking. We still fully expect to go against all laws of science and defy logic by losing every single race whilst launching objects across the room and screaming expletives at young relatives whenever we play this Christmas.