Twitter, am I right?
It is a gigantic cesspit of nonsense at the best of times, but every so often, a legitimately funny tweet emerges from the woods.
That’s the only logical reason for still being on Twitter in the year of our Lord 2019. The sporadic lols.
2019 has gotten off to a very strong start already. Users have surpassed themselves covering topics like catchy insults, menthol cigarettes, the best way to watch the Michael Jackson documentary, Peppa Pig‘s local zoo, opening your eyes during prayer, avian representation and much more.
We’ve still got another five months to go before the year ends, but things are looking promising.
So, in no particular order, here’s 50 of funniest tweets from 2019 (so far) that you might have missed.
1.
https://twitter.com/Nick_Frost/status/1085109408726700033
2.
OMG watch out stuart little theres a car coming !!! Oh no he has air pods in he can’t hear us!!! pic.twitter.com/uQXDrt3PfW
— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) January 16, 2019
3.
Stop sending me this shit pic.twitter.com/JfJ8uCHqVt
— Mike Tyson (@MikeTyson) January 16, 2019
4.
Wooooaaah…
We're half way there,
Wooooaa-oaaah… pic.twitter.com/pxhekYkx9Z— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) January 17, 2019
5.
Do you think, in a pinch, Jim Henson ever used Kermit as an oven mitt?
— Justin Staggs Ⓥ (@Staggfilms) January 18, 2019
6.
Keep your Glenns Close and your Glennemies Closer
— Luis (@oskrNYC) January 23, 2019
7.
https://twitter.com/irispompeii/status/1089534929610915840
8.
mate it was over 20 years ago. Bit late. pic.twitter.com/OaYRMci9Ie
— Thomas Gorton (@AngstromHoot) January 27, 2019
9.
Hangman is a lovely childhood game where you slowly draw a man killing himself if another kid can’t read your mind.
— Felicity Ward (@felicityward) February 3, 2019
10.
Seal? I haven't heard that name in years pic.twitter.com/fhpy6vfclc
— nahh-Baron, Dade-Rautha (@Hozay_) February 5, 2019
11.
My favourite insult pic.twitter.com/wEK01k8OFr
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) February 6, 2019
12.
https://twitter.com/rudy_mustang/status/1097246608654249987
13.
https://twitter.com/gravezez/status/1098686927723737088
14.
the funniest thing i’ve ever said was on april 11th 2009 to my dad’s cat and no one else was around to hear it. a car horn honked and he hopped off my bed and ran downstairs and i said “oh shit is your ride here” and laughed alone to myself for like five minutes straight
— old tom (@YuckyTom) March 1, 2019
15.
https://twitter.com/RomeshRanga/status/1103635606847012864
16.
your 👏🏻 guacamole 👏🏻 fountain 👏🏻 will 👏🏻 go 👏🏻 brown 👏🏻 unless 👏🏻 you 👏🏻 set 👏🏻 up 👏🏻 the 👏🏻 lime 👏🏻 juice 👏🏻 misting 👏🏻 apparatus 👏🏻
— koyaanisqatsi heckler (@Arr) March 9, 2019
17.
Sinbad:
1. Sailor
2. Comedian
3. Most succinct version of the Bible— Adrenalin (@adrenalindenver) March 13, 2019
18.
this is every journalist headshot pic.twitter.com/4SxZTgpn1k
— Ruchira Sharma (@RuchoSharma) March 19, 2019
19.
https://twitter.com/_garbage_girl_/status/1108502775254712321
20.
Theresa May’s speeches. pic.twitter.com/q3P5g64FSD
— Anna Mazzola (@Anna_Mazz) March 20, 2019
21.
Watched the Michael Jackson doc in bed with the kids
— Mike Scully (@scullymike) March 10, 2019
22.
Me: *drops wallet in front of pretty girl*
Her: you dropped your wallet
Me: oops haha would you look at that pic.twitter.com/If7q3hsIe8
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) March 30, 2019
23.
Joaquin is just quinoa pronounced in reverse
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) April 3, 2019
24.
https://twitter.com/nwalks/status/1113604732080332801
25.
panic! at the disco all dads
🤝
closing the goddamn door— kim (@KimmyMonte) April 5, 2019
26.
https://twitter.com/LlamaInaTux/status/1113815065214377984
27.
when ur pregnant n find out it’s a boy pic.twitter.com/pKLSd1GA98
— knee v 🕊 (@yungbeefcake) April 6, 2019
28.
'Entertainment' pic.twitter.com/cPIyrm3Nqd
— Jade Hayden (@JadeHayden) April 7, 2019
29.
https://twitter.com/HelloCullen/status/1116092290064236544
30.
teaching my son to catch a vibe instead of a baseball when he gets older, like a man
— pinar (@pienar) April 24, 2019
31.
https://twitter.com/ghoulcabin/status/1122870186632273921
32.
Who called them feet pics and not photoes
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) February 15, 2019
33.
Your circus name is
your first name + your surname
that’s it. you’re a clown.
— smol boi zaa (@ZahraDee) May 1, 2019
34.
https://twitter.com/abbycohenwl/status/1123765719181688833
35.
accidentally opened my eyes during prayer at church and saw jesus doing the worm
— andrew (@AndrewChamings) May 1, 2019
36.
https://twitter.com/The_LogLady/status/1129282592350642176
37.
Me when I’m on the phone to my friend Colin and the receptions bad: pic.twitter.com/D5ZoBQp9Sr
— Paul Black (@paulbIack) May 17, 2019
38.
Me when my alarm goes off pic.twitter.com/NodaGuBNzf
— Rach (@RachaelvsWorld) May 22, 2019
39.
Theresa May will resign next month to make way for her successor Theresa June.
— Michael Fry (@BigDirtyFry) May 24, 2019
40.
Cher is married to West Ham footballer Mark Noble and that’s why she just uses her first name
— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) May 27, 2019
41.
Gonna make you mine better get in line 3,5,7,9 https://t.co/L8RhpQtYLu
— Danny Mcloughlin (@dannymccomedy) June 5, 2019
42.
I have to rate the self belief of the IT guy who cancelled my service request, remotely controlled my computer and is now (accidentally?) allowing me to watch him google how to fix the issue
— charlotte (@charlotte_gggg) June 12, 2019
43.
a woman just watched me type over my phone and went “wow, small font.” feeling pity for my haters, riddled with absolute jealousy at my fresh, supple young eyes
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) June 14, 2019
44.
It's only physics if it's from the Physique region of France. Otherwise it's just sparkling math
— Anna Hughes 🇵🇸 (@AnnaGHughes) June 22, 2019
45.
ROOMMATE: you need to do the dishes
ME: [just started Mad Men] what makes a sink a sink? Care? Attention? No. *puts out cigarette* Experience.
*reveals poster that says The Dishes: Let’s Just Leave Them Like That*
— graham techler (@gr8h8m_t3chl3r) June 13, 2019
46.
"Street! Street! Street!" pic.twitter.com/1Yd4G0Uy9T
— Holly Brockwell (@holly) June 24, 2019
47.
Me: can I have a turn in the hedge now
Hedgehog: no
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) July 1, 2019
48.
https://twitter.com/joelycett/status/1150859472987918336
49.
Me after using “raison d’être” in a sentence pic.twitter.com/w07gyQoKgU
— Curry Bradshaw (@queerdiscox) July 18, 2019
50.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of pic.twitter.com/HwLL8JcPLf
— fahmi (@ogbellafahmi) July 21, 2019
