When Mount Vesuvius erupted in AD 79, simultaneously wiping out and partially preserving the Ancient Roman town of Pompeii, it was one of the most catastrophic eruptions in European history.
That is to say, it was some serious shit.
The remains of roughly 1,500 people have been found, but the full death toll is unknown. With an estimated population of nearly 20,000, it’s likely to be significantly higher than that.
Preserved bodies and settlements have been excavated, making Pompeii both an important historical site and popular tourist destination, but while the town is of significant interest, it’s important to remember that this was a colossal natural disaster.
But enough of all that, here’s a picture of a dude who looks like he was killed while jacking off.
Okay, let’s address the issue head on: it is extremely unlikely that this man was enjoying a knuckle shuffle as Mount Vesuvius erupted.
There are only three ways this could realistically be possible.
1. He was completely deaf and blind, lived alone and had no idea he was about to be buried under a thick layer of molten rock while getting his rocks off.
2. He had never masturbated, and faced with his doom, thought, “Fuck it, let’s boogie.”
3. He had an incredibly specific fetish in which the prospect of being covered in red-hot lava turned him on, and at last he was about to have his hottest fantasy realised.
What is more likely is that the man was dying in agony and hadn’t given much thought as to how his positioning would look nearly 2,000 years later. Nevertheless, it does indeed look like he was masturbating, which it must be said is somewhat amusing and has produced some equally somewhat amusing comments.
https://twitter.com/EscoBlades/status/881574168558534657
I'd be the Pompeii resident who died while masturbating. Hunched over & entombed in Vesuvian ash for eternity.
— Rich Harrington (@McNarstle) May 22, 2017
https://twitter.com/mikedelic/status/881527410520444928
The masturbating man of Pompeii is a warning from history. He was struck down by God.
— Filled Grebes (@FilledGrebes01) July 3, 2017
found in the search bar of my work computer: Masturbating man, Pompeii
— haen connoisseur (@haenbar) July 3, 2017
