Lifestyle

18th Dec 2018

100 of the funniest tweets you might have missed in 2018

"Tonic water tastes like if 7up had depression"

Ciara Knight

100 of the funniest tweets you might have missed in 2018

“Tonic water tastes like if 7up had depression”

Folks, it’s been another stellar year over on Twitter, with users producing some of the funniest tweets the world has ever seen, probably.

Topics covered this year included such bizarre areas as Tide Pods, moths, Gritty, Johny Johny, living in the moment without mobile phones, ambitious crossovers, FBI agents, a grape that had surgery done on it and a frankly ridiculous amount more of equally weird stuff.

So, we’ve rounded up 100 of the funniest tweets you might’ve missed this year as it’s impossible to see all things at all times, not unless you are God or a CCTV enthusiast.

Enjoy!

Millenials. Walking around like they rent the place.

— Spence (@SpenceDen) January 3, 2018

https://twitter.com/rickburin/status/948877030589911045

When my youngest brother was little he was being bullied and went to my parents for help. They told him “Sticks and stones may break my bones” they then asked him to finish the phrase and he said “but chains and whips excite me” he seriously thought that was he second part.

— max (@maxpalumbo5) January 3, 2018

ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery

— FRO VO (@fro_vo) January 6, 2018

It seems Katie Melua has taken a different route with her 2018 comeback single… pic.twitter.com/ZCiMSEmtlf

— Jack Wardlaw (@jackwardlaw94) January 7, 2018

https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/status/950709206386126849

How much spinach I start cooking vs how much I end up with. pic.twitter.com/DWmWEKQFkm

— Simply TC 💚💛🖤💙 (@BienSur_JeTaime) January 5, 2018

[buying a dog]

hi yes i want to be absolutely devastated in like 11 years or so

— the pan-midwesterner (@panmidwest) January 16, 2018

Every football phone-in condensed into 2 minutes 20. pic.twitter.com/j3uLvzG6hw

— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) January 17, 2018

10.

https://twitter.com/kay_maxwell/status/954843433360818182

11.

https://twitter.com/slazhoe/status/955105998586474497

12.

[knuckle tatts]

C H E R N O B Y L

— Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) (@ojedge) January 21, 2018

13.

Quentin Tarantino looks like your nan can smell gas pic.twitter.com/LnK5kB3pHi

— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) February 6, 2018

14.

https://twitter.com/michaelmphysics/status/961186268175568896

15.

This video cassette I found at my grandmas house still makes me laugh so much pic.twitter.com/1c0M9Ag6IV

— Hamish Steele! DeadEndia 3 is OUT NOW! (@hamishsteele) February 7, 2018

16.

https://twitter.com/NoBeeetch/status/960657114468442112

17.

WWE is short for Wet, Wet Eggs

— Fred Delicious 🍆 (@Fred_Delicious) February 9, 2018

18.

Match of the day
What a lie
They show them all

— Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) February 11, 2018

19.

Girl what he do pic.twitter.com/Y5D0D7h3nm

— Deniz S. (@MrFilmkritik) February 10, 2018

20.

Me my entire life: Barely realizes snowboarding exists

Me 2 days into the Olympics: If McMorris thinks he's getting on the podium with anything less than a clean 1620 toe grab, he's a fool

— Riane Konc (@theillustrious) February 11, 2018

21.

Pray Elon Musk doesn't have a scandal.
Elongate would drag on forever.

— Bob Golen (@BobGolen) February 10, 2018

22.

https://twitter.com/Robbiemcdon/status/964149176253722625

23.

one time i forgot what the band modest mouse was called and i said “humble hamster”

— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) February 27, 2018

24.

When the moon hits your knees
And you mispronounce trees
Sycamore

— Paul Ford (@ftrain) February 27, 2018

25.

Show yourself Inspector Gadget pic.twitter.com/w1bgtYZFUS

— Summer Ray (@SummerRay) February 28, 2018

26.

https://twitter.com/roselyddon/status/968957235677356032

27.

https://twitter.com/LDLDN/status/969645572532723712

28.

Watching Dunkirk the way Christopher Nolan intended pic.twitter.com/vYpROyla6D

— Christian. (@chriswashere321) March 3, 2018

29.

Commuter: *accidentally pushes past me* Sorry

My brain: yeah u fuckin will be bitch u wait til I shove u down that escalator next time

Me: it's fine honestly x

— Sophie Thompson (@sophxthompson) March 21, 2018

30.

me: i've got my sign language exam tomorrow

him: oh fingers crossed!

me: no, there's a bit more to it than that

— john (@mrjohndarby) March 18, 2018

31.

https://twitter.com/RagingInfection/status/977288379464409088

32.

https://twitter.com/gregjames/status/980080096198496256

33.

The end of 'Finding Dory' on Sweden's Netflix is, by far, the greatest movie moment in cinema history. pic.twitter.com/SXLWjLhZRB

— Luke Mathews (@Floppy_Ragdoll) March 31, 2018

34.

https://twitter.com/petertaggart/status/980383874063585280

35.

[watching planet earth 2] crazy how much that looks like earth 1

— Comrade Phteven (@PhriendlyCody) April 5, 2018

36.

Dear Amazon, I bought a toilet seat because I needed one. Necessity, not desire. I do not collect them. I am not a toilet seat addict. No matter how temptingly you email me, I'm not going to think, oh go on then, just one more toilet seat, I'll treat myself.

— Jacqueline (Jac) Rayner (@GirlFromBlupo) April 6, 2018

37.

https://twitter.com/Becca_DP/status/983766530889605120

38.

https://twitter.com/_coryrichardson/status/984905768599195648

39.

https://twitter.com/karaweeks_/status/986306004894744576

40.

Oh My Fuckin God, I am dying.
Surely this guy has one Scottish friend who should have told him? pic.twitter.com/9A9wO8kynF

— iRoy. (There's somebody wrong on the internet.) (@Roy_Isserlis) April 19, 2018

41.

And looking ahead to tonight's programmes, at 7:30 we have 'Beefstenders'…. pic.twitter.com/5TN4UfSS9z

— Darren Dutton (@Darren_Dutton) February 7, 2017

42.

Did Counting Crows ever give us a total number of crows

— donni saphire (@donni) April 28, 2018

43.

Broke: Female Body Inspectors

Woke: pic.twitter.com/IEaw6u3oDU

— ǝısoɹ (@feelssick) May 2, 2018

44.

Thought they were called Andy and Jamie? pic.twitter.com/EOGs9F7x02

— callum tyler (@callum_t__) May 10, 2018

45.

The easiest way for me to remember the difference between stalactites & stalagmites is that stalacTITES hold TIGHT to the ceiling & stalagMITES killed my dad

— dick snickers (@smithsara79) May 28, 2018

46.

https://twitter.com/hollyshortall/status/1004488912541241344

47.

Me: Who is the most handsome man in the world?

Wife: Ewan McGreggor

Me: Thank you but you can only pick one

— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) June 6, 2018

48.

Lethal Weapon taught me that there's nothing wrong with seeing your dad's dick on his birthday. pic.twitter.com/IshtdoghyA

— Tokyo Sexwhale (@tokyosexwhale) June 18, 2018

49.

M.I.A. – Paper Planes

▶ 🔘──────── 3:25

M.I.A. – Paper Planes (feat. a 17th century musket)

▶ 🔘──────── 27:18

— Conor Smith (@conorsmith) June 22, 2018

50.

Harry Potter and the Audacity of this Bitch

— father (@father) July 1, 2018

51.

Harry Potter and the Audacity of this Bitch

— father (@father) July 1, 2018

52.

I’d be on my way to work like an idiot if Steve hadn’t told me about today’s St Gullible’s Day holiday.

— Ben (@0point5twins) July 3, 2018

53.

how do i tell my parents that im random :/

— Brandon Wardell (@BRANDONWARDELL) July 6, 2018

54.

i hope scarlett johansson plays all 12 thai boys and their coach in the film adaptation

— lolly (@lollyadefope) July 10, 2018

55.

The dick vein on a Snickers really makes it

— Winderly Landchime Stan Account (@RedDlicious) July 11, 2018

56.

In the same way a beret and a baguette tells me I’m in France, I don’t need to look at a calendar to know that a man hoovering a car means it is Sunday.

— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) July 15, 2018

57.

https://twitter.com/miel/status/1019053043478740992

58.

I love being in a restaurant when they change the lighting from “lunch” to “horny”

— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) July 20, 2018

59.

new tinder idea: upload all my photos upside down so girls turn their phone to look at them, obviously realise am ugly and swipe left but of course that's now actually right bing bang boom match

— ethan (@human_dis4ster) July 21, 2018

60.

You deserve whatever happens to you on a pogo stick.

— Tig Notaro (@TigNotaro) July 28, 2018

61.

[after I cut a bagel] would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions

— Jake (@dubiousrhetoric) February 18, 2018

62.

Just realised the opposite of Alec Baldwin is Alec Hairloss

— Fred Delicious 🍆 (@Fred_Delicious) August 2, 2018

63.

white guy seeing a coworker for the first time that day: there he is

— old tom (@YuckyTom) August 11, 2018

64.

Somebody waited their whole life to write this serial number pic.twitter.com/WxnKJwVbHw

— WendigoPBFox (@tmaxxnc) August 14, 2018

65.

https://twitter.com/bdxvies/status/1030450236823625728

66.

We make out like Fireman Sam is a hero but he is an absolute hack. Only about 25 people live in Pontypandy and they are setting fire to something EVERY SINGLE DAY.

EDUCATE THEM SAM. GO BEYOND THE HOSE.

— Laura (@fairycakes) August 15, 2018

67.

the hot water takes a little longer to come out cause they have to slice up the jalapenos and put them in the pipes

— phil (@PhilJamesson) August 20, 2018

68.

https://twitter.com/tyreksh/status/1034517843243454464

69.

https://twitter.com/dgahk/status/1035219195510833152

70.

wife: [watching the news] some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium

me: [covered in ink] maybe the squid was being a dick

— andrew (@AndrewChamings) August 30, 2018

71.

I dressed as a chimp for 4 years to win a woman's heart. Eventually I realized that disguising myself was a breech of trust and revealing myself would be a betrayal. I stayed a chimp 3 more years, contributing to important data she was collecting. I realize now I sullied that too

— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) September 7, 2018

72.

I've worked in an office for three days and it seems 80% of it is badly hiding signed birthday cards from someone that obviously knows its happening

— Heddy Tall (@TheodorHall) September 12, 2018

73.

https://twitter.com/catstronomical/status/1039662234480386049

74.

https://twitter.com/Home_Halfway/status/1042802275146706948

75.

My dog Philby has to take allergy meds everyday but he doesn’t need to know that. pic.twitter.com/5oFUVCb5bG

— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) September 21, 2018

76.

pic.twitter.com/9Ag0XNn18o

— hahahahahh (@PudgesMemeStash) September 26, 2018

77.

Me: My eyes are up here

Picasso: I disagree

— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) September 26, 2018

78.

https://twitter.com/MrShaneReaction/status/1046863066766413826

79.

https://twitter.com/DebbyRyan/status/1050212551441539073

80.

https://twitter.com/infinityonhi/status/1051420640740302849

81.

https://twitter.com/Ygrene/status/969973354353627137

82.

https://twitter.com/NOTVIKING/status/1036124153097539584

83.

True or false?

Kerry Katona doesn't actually own a cat ?

— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) October 30, 2018

84.

PER MY LAST EMAIL pic.twitter.com/FyYViDTTr4

— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) October 31, 2018

85.

The best part of being a flight attendant has to be when you walk the aisle saying “trash” to everyone’s face.

— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) November 5, 2018

86.

If I saw 99 red balloons go by I’d probably just round it up to a hundred when I was telling people about it.

— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) November 5, 2018

87.

https://twitter.com/madisonfrench_/status/1059305157337534464

88.

https://twitter.com/livlivme_do/status/1061732406577819648

89.

What a strange hobby. pic.twitter.com/kNVjRWVf14

— Jason Dawson (@jason_dawson) November 15, 2018

90.

https://twitter.com/Oi_Staf/status/1058087336075018240

91.

[first yoga class]
me: a mistake there has been

— john (@mrjohndarby) October 16, 2018

92.

Frank Zappa real name was Outspoken Remote Control

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) November 24, 2018

93.

https://twitter.com/DJ_AlexCooper/status/1066680740858011648

94.

the twelve days of christmas is completely unrealistic there is no way that you’re still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds

— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) December 3, 2018

95.

If you cut a minute steak into 60 pieces then everyone can have seconds

— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) December 7, 2018

96.

NURSE: the doctor has pronounced your father dead

ME: oh my god we’ve been calling him dad all this time

— Anthony McHats (@TheHatStore) September 15, 2018

97.