Congratulations to all involved in another stellar month on Twitter
As we’ve come to learn, it is simply impossible to see everything at all times, especially every single one of the funniest tweets produced during the month of July.
The depressing fact of the matter is that sometimes, genuine solid 24 carat gold can slip through your timeline without grabbing even so much as a sniff of your attention.
But that’s where I come in. You see, I have seen it all. Things you can’t even imagine. No, worse than that. Yeah, exactly, those things.
Don’t worry. You’re going to catch up on the banter. We can’t have you slipping by the wayside. The cream of July’s bountiful crop is here, specially for you.
Enjoy it, champ. You deserve it.
1.
Harry Potter and the Audacity of this Bitch
— father (@father) July 1, 2018
2.
— BERTIE GILBERT (@bertieglbrt) June 30, 2018
3.
https://twitter.com/_coryrichardson/status/1013960010756509696
4.
You: it was lit fam
Me, a potato farmer in Ireland in 1847: it was literal famine— Annabel Meschke (@annabel_meschke) June 4, 2018
5.
https://twitter.com/Danielolivasss/status/1014239765170774017
6.
how do i tell my parents that im random :/
— Brandon Wardell (@BRANDONWARDELL) July 6, 2018
7.
I wake up at 5AM every day, spend 4 grueling hours in my kitchen fixing my breakfast paella, which I barely have time to enjoy before it’s time to begin my lunch paella. But hey, i didn’t start my paella cleanse because it’s easy, I did it because something is very wrong with me.
— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) July 5, 2018
8.
https://twitter.com/pahtch/status/1015870566644011008
9.
https://twitter.com/worldsbestda/status/1017180960629063680
10.
I’m devastated… just found out my fiancé of three years was Sacha Baron Cohen
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) July 14, 2018
11.
In the same way a beret and a baguette tells me I’m in France, I don’t need to look at a calendar to know that a man hoovering a car means it is Sunday.
— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) July 15, 2018
12.
https://twitter.com/boring_as_heck/status/1018534489251704834
13.
The Shape of Water (2017) pic.twitter.com/KNTvL8kZvb
— Thom (mongreldog elsewhere) 🏳️🌈 (@coolmongreldog) July 15, 2018
14.
Can’t wait to see this movie! pic.twitter.com/lSy13UoTu4
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) July 17, 2018
15.
I heard Bill Gates liked Elon Musk so much he wanted to name a kid after him, but I think that'd be stretching it a bit.
— Oonagh (@Okeating) July 17, 2018
16.
https://twitter.com/miel/status/1019053043478740992
17.
🎶 It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie 🎶 pic.twitter.com/ONhso41kQI
— Tom (@tdawks) July 10, 2018
18.
[driving home from a party]
MRS. ELEPHANT: you're still upset aren't you
MR. ELEPHANT: i can't believe they just ignored us like that
MRS. ELEPHANT: they aren't worth it, just forget it
MR. ELEPHANT: *slams steering wheel* you know I can't do that linda— FRO VO (@fro_vo) July 5, 2018
19.
Seems like the “how to use a fire extinguisher” video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30 second ad before it.
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 17, 2018
20.
The Wikipedia page for the Mr. Bean movie was last edited 4 hours ago.
— Paul Rust (@paulrust) July 19, 2018
21.
I love being in a restaurant when they change the lighting from “lunch” to “horny”
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) July 20, 2018
22.
https://twitter.com/ImTheeBrock/status/1020029287137792001
23.
new tinder idea: upload all my photos upside down so girls turn their phone to look at them, obviously realise am ugly and swipe left but of course that's now actually right bing bang boom match
— ethan (@human_dis4ster) July 21, 2018
24.
I’m deleting old tweets and can’t believe anyone didn’t reprimand me for the one about my therapist having 6 yr old magazines in the waiting room so I wouldn’t feel like the only one holding on to old issues.😬
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) July 22, 2018
25.
lgbt stands for lets get beans tonight
— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) July 25, 2018
26.
Top 10 best compliments:
10. You
9. Can't
8. Rank
7. Them
6. Because
5. They're
4. All
3. Equally
2. Nice
1. When you're up to bat at rounders and someone tells all the fielders to move back— Joe Sperry (@Joe_Sperry98) July 1, 2018
27.
The gayest triumph of Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again is Cher reinventing herself as Susan from Guess Who. pic.twitter.com/FIH03MKhyS
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) July 23, 2018
28.
This is forty five bags of spinach pic.twitter.com/EZ6ZOesbAQ
— Annie McGrath 💙 (@AnnieMcTweet) July 26, 2018
29.
https://twitter.com/YourKyness/status/1022189057726504960
30.
— non aesthetic things (@PicturesFoIder) July 26, 2018
31.
https://twitter.com/smallknive/status/1022867549975920642
32.
You deserve whatever happens to you on a pogo stick.
— Tig Notaro (@TigNotaro) July 28, 2018
33.
https://twitter.com/NOTVIKING/status/950580217583624192
34.
Coworker: You look tired.
Me: Apparently I also look approachable but I'm really not.— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) July 29, 2018
35.
This was on my parents cruise breakfast bar this morning… shreks head pic.twitter.com/T04fSiDR3h
— Charlotte Bayes (@CharlotteBHC) July 30, 2018
