It. Is. Simply. Darling.
https://twitter.com/_contemptressx/status/909610719829688320
Images have emerged on the internet of a bird pridefully wearing a scarf. That’s it. That’s the story.
Having previously brought you images of a pigeon wearing a backpack, we felt it best to bring this additional piece of important content into the public sphere because reasons.
I have a few questions about this particular turn of events, if you’ll indulge me.
Who knitted the scarf?
Some measurements would’ve likely been required for sizing purposes, so I’m curious as to who was taking these measurements and subsequently producing this magnificent scarf. Perhaps it was purchased in some sort of underground bird scarf shop that us mere mortals are unaware of. Or did the bird order it online at a reasonable cost? There’s no way to answer these questions as the bird has refused to speak to the media, so we’re going to have to jump to some conclusions here. The fraying on the end of the scarf leads me to believe that it was a homemade job, most likely done by a neighbour or close friend of the bird. It could’ve been requested or given as a gift, that’s just something we’ll have to grow to accept never being able to know.
Is the bird a model?
All signs point to absolutely, yes. It’s a combination of the bird’s familiarity with the camera paired with the angle that he/she is creating with their body. Any model worth their salt knows that it’s about using your body to display the clothing, not the other way around. Your body is merely an instrument in the orchestra contributing to the overall appearance of these garments. This bird has it in spades. I can’t be sure, but I’m suspecting that he/she has been at this modelling lark for a while, maybe a decade or so. It’s 2017, if a woman can marry her dog then a bird can model a scarf.
Why is the bird wearing a scarf?
Birds have the good fortune to be blessed with the ability to avoid everyday transportation woes that you and I have to put up with. They’ve never experienced a large queue for the bathroom in a nightclub, nor have they had to endure a double maths lesson on a Monday morning. They’ve got it good and they certainly know it. These avian friends don’t even have to wear clothes, but this particular bird is defying all logic. It’s the opposite of being a naturist and it’s progressive as heck. He/she is making a statement, letting its fellow birds know that it’s ok to be different. You don’t have to be nude all the time. You can be warm, comfortable and stylish all at the same time if your heart so desires. The bird is wearing a scarf, but we are wearing the inhibitions. In order to truly be free, we must rebel and take off all of our clothes immediately.
Who took the photograph?
We need to take the entire composition into consideration. The vignetted edges introduce a slight darkness to the situation, but then we’re met with a hazy afternoon sun reflection in the background. Whoever took these stunning images is an experienced photographer, visibly at the top of their game. The bird is at ease with him/her, so they must be a prominent artist. If we’re being honest with ourselves, the images possess all the classic traits of an Annie Leibovitz creation. She’s done it again. She has completed some photography.
Finally and most importantly, is the bird having the time of his or her life?
All signs point to yes. Look at that smile. Look at it. Look harder, there we go. He’s thrilled. This bird has a sufficiently toasty neck and is living his/her damn life as God intended. Typical internet trolls and haters will suggest that the bird is being kept against its own free will, being forced to pose for attempted viral photoshoots for nine hours at a time. But the truth is buried deep in those beady little eyes. This bird is happy. This bird is living. This bird is free (as a bird). Go forth little birdie and feel the benefits of having a warm neck. Thank you for allowing us to bask in your glory on this wonderful day.
