There’s no avoiding it: It’s April Fools’ Day.
Today is the one day of the year much of the news media spends all morning basically lying to you and then expects you to trust them for the remaining 364 days of the year.
If you want to keep abreast of all the April Foolz Nooz that’s being wilfully spread across the internets like a dose of the clap, you can follow the Guardian’s April Fools’ liveblog here.
Of course they’re liveblogging it. And for once, it’s kind of useful.
Some of the ‘jokes’ it has rumbled so far include:
The Evening Standard have revealed that Chelsea and Arsenal are going to build a ‘half-half’ statue of Ashley Cole, because he used to play for both of them or some such bullshit.
Australia Post is letting people wrap themselves up in paper and mail themselves now hahaha. Smuggling people: What larks.
Delicious pie-makers Pieminster are launching a pie-scented candle because everyone knows that pie-eaters love a scented candle. FFS.
In the name of journalistic balance, it’s worth noting that The Guardian aren’t the only ones doing some funbusting.
Over at the Mirror’s own liveblog, yet more jokes are being broken open like rotten tomatoes:
How about the one where the World Cup final ball from England’s 1966 victory gets given to the German National Football Museum after proof emerged that it DIDN’T cross the line? Such witty banter.
Or what about some more corporate craic that falls short? Pizza Hut claim they are to launch a ‘scratch and sniff’ menu. “Who nose where it will lead?” their press release guffaws. Just think: Somebody gets paid for that pun.
It’s also worth noting that there is a special place in Hell for people who call ‘LOL APRIL FOOL’ to legit news stories like doing so is some kind of high-brow satire. Please stop it.
