Gunnersaurus, Arsenal’s lovable 8ft dinosaur mascot, has cast doubt over his future at The Emirates after condemning the launch of a new bloodsport television channel backed by the club’s majority shareholder, Stan Kroenke.
The American billionaire oversaw the weekend launch of My Outdoor TV having identified a gap in the UK market for a television channel that specialises in airing footage of the excruciating deaths of a number of defenceless wild animals.
Viewers of the channel are set to be treated to a number of programmes which will show several vulnerable African species – including elephants and lions – being riddled with bullets fired from the shotguns of men who view such actions as ‘sport’.
Speaking from the Emirates Stadium store cupboard in which he resides, a furious Gunnersaurus explained that Kroenke’s backing for the new channel had prompted him to consider a move away from north London.
“Look, I might have a disproportionately small brain that’s equivalent to the size of a tangerine, but I’m not stupid,” the 65-million-year-old told reporters.
“You don’t get to be the only remaining dinosaur on Planet Earth by chance, for crying out loud.
“When you’ve been around as long as I have, you become pretty good at judging when it’s not safe to stick around any more.
“If he wants to promote a message that it’s fun to go and blow the brains out of endangered animals, imagine how much of a coup it would be to be known as ‘the guy that made dinosaurs extinct?’
“I’m not happy at the idea of posing for pictures with little kids on match days while one of Kroenke’s mates is sizing up my head for his living room wall. Fuck that.”
